Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
