if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
