thus making me awesome and them whores
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
