Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So vagazzling was a success
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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