My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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