Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
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Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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