she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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