So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
