Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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