sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
