You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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