There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
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What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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