I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
