I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
