you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
