well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
