So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
