i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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