Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
