Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
