I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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