I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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