Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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