i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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