Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
