dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
