She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
