and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
