reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
