Yo dont text me then not text me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
