every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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