Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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