her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
