pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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