I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
