Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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