broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
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No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
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YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult