i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.