and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
