wrigley field is MILF paradise
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn