so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
he just fucked me for my cheese.