I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
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I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones