so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
