I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
