4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
