omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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