My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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