drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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