i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
