my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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