i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
