Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
