My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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