no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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