At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
