You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
