Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
