11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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