Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
