Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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