I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
