ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
