Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
