is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
