I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
