why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
as a side note pls kill me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Shame - the story of my life.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
