I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
