My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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