She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
