Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
