fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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