There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
