Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
