That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
