I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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