Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
