Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
