End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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