Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
