dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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