your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
