Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
