u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
