I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
