told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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